4 Steps to Grow Resilience: Get S.O.F.T.

I’m friends with a group of people I admire and enjoy, but who aren’t always consistently in touch. Sometimes, I feel like I’m part of their group, and I love those moments. Other times, I feel like I’ve missed something, but I’m not sure what. When I found an event I thought they’d enjoy, I took a breath and sent a text inviting them to come with me.

Two hours passed.

Six.

Twelve.

Crickets.

Twenty-four hours later, still nothing. That’s when the constriction started in my chest and crept into my shoulders, neck, and head. My stomach felt queasy.

Have you ever felt that before? Perhaps after a tense meeting, a tough conversation, or an offhand remark that lands wrong?

For me, it always shows up in my body. Tight shoulders. Clenched jaw. Creeping headache. It’s like my body braces for impact. It solidifies and folds in on itself.

Not exactly a recipe for flowing through tough moments.

But lately, I’ve been noticing something else. The incredible shift that happens when I choose to soften.

Instead of meeting stress with tension, I intentionally soften my body.

I breathe into the tightness and consciously allow my shoulders, neck, and head to open, even just a little, and suddenly there’s space.

Space to remember that I’m okay, to feel safe, and to invite perspective.

Soft isn’t weak. It’s wise. It gives us access to the full picture so we can guide ourselves back to equilibrium.

I’ve started practicing this simple technique every time I feel myself contracting mentally and physically.

I call it SOFT. A gentle reminder to meet stress with presence rather than tension.

S – Slow Down

Notice the contraction. What are your body’s signals? Maybe it’s a tight chest, shallow breath, clenched hands. That’s your cue you’re caving in on yourself.

O – Open

Literally. Unclench your jaw. Drop your shoulders. Relax your belly. Let your breath deepen. Imagine opening to the moment instead of bracing against it.

F – Feel

Without judging or fixing, allow the feeling. Is it fear? Embarrassment? Overwhelm? Can’t name it? Doesn’t matter. Let it be. Let it move through.

T – Trust

Trust that softening isn't a weakness. It’s wisdom. From this place, you can respond with clarity, care, and calm. Your best self isn’t hardened. It’s centered.

This simple shift has helped me move through uncomfortable social moments with grace and ease. When I soften, I listen more deeply. I speak more kindly. I stay more connected to what really matters.

Try it the next time you feel yourself tightening. Let soft be your strength.

You’ll feel it.

Others will feel it.

And you’ll experience the quiet power of going from tense and tight to soft and strong.

P.S. All of those friends got back to me after a few days. But it was never really about their response. It’s about learning to meet uncertainty, any uncertainty, with softness instead of armor. That’s how we grow resilience.